Threat Level: Extinction

THE
EVIL
GENIUS

Gentlemen, welcome to my underground lair. I have assembled this dossier to outline my plan for world domination. The details are… complicated.

"Why make trillions when we could make... billions?"

evil_terminal v6.6.6

View Evil Plans

Subject: Number 1

The Mastermind

EVIL 6.6.6

Scroll to Doom

Lair Locations

Minions Deployed

Sharks With Lasers

Ransom Demanded

MR. BIGGLESWORTH APPROVES

Dossier

The Man Behind The Plan

Born from the fiery depths of a volcano lair, our fearless leader has dedicated his life to the noble pursuit of global domination. With an IQ that would make Einstein weep and a fashion sense that screams "I own this planet," he is the embodiment of calculated chaos.

When not orchestrating the downfall of governments, he enjoys petting his cat, monologuing to captured spies, and demanding unreasonable sums of money from the United Nations.

"I demand the sum of... one. million. dollars!"

Genius IQ

Off the charts

Cat Person

Hairless, obviously

Volcano Lair

Premium real estate

Shark Enthusiast

With lasers, naturally

Phase Protocol

Evil Plans & Schemes

Each plan has been meticulously crafted over decades of villainy. Failure is not an option. Well, it is, but it's heavily discouraged.

PHASE 1

The Alan Parsons Project

A giant laser beam placed on the moon, capable of destroying entire cities. Simple, elegant, devastatingly effective.

In Progress

PHASE 2

Temporal Displacement

Travel back to 1969 and steal our mojo. What is mojo? Don't worry about it. It's very technical.

Pending

PHASE 3

Preparation H

A high-altitude electromagnetic pulse that will disable all electronic devices globally. No, it's not what you think.

Completed

"You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads!"

— The Mastermind

Classified

The Lair

Command Center

Where the magic happens

LIVE

Shark Tank

Gold Vault

Private Chambers

Volcano Observation Deck

🐱

Chief of Staff

Mr. Bigglesworth

The true power behind the throne. Fluffy? No. Hairless? Absolutely. Loyal? Depends on the treat situation. This Sphynx cat has seen more secret plans than most henchmen and has better security clearance than Number 2.

Expert lap warmer during evil monologues

Can sense intruders (and tuna) from 3 miles

Survived cryogenic freezing (lost all fur)

Purr frequency: 666 Hz

Personnel

Key Minions

These loyal servants have dedicated their lives to the cause. Some willingly. Others... not so much.

Number 2

Second in Command

Frau

Head of Intelligence

The Enforcer

Security Detail

Random Henchman

Expendable

Ultimatum

My Demands

DAYS

HOURS

MINS

SECS

One. Million. Dollars.

To be delivered in unmarked, non-sequential bills to an undisclosed location. Obviously.

Sharks With Frickin' Laser Beams

Not mutated sea bass. I was very specific about this. SHARKS. WITH. LASERS.

World Recognition As Supreme Leader

A throne, a crown, and everyone must refer to me as "Your Evildoership." Non-negotiable.

Premium Cat Food For Mr. Bigglesworth

The only demand that is truly non-negotiable. He gets cranky without his pâté.

* Requires launch code authorization. Side effects may include global chaos.

What They Say

Reviews from people who definitely aren't being held against their will.

"The monologuing is top-notch. Really, the way he explains the entire plan before trying to kill me? A+ villain etiquette."

Austin P. International Man of Mystery

"Great benefits package. The volcano lair has excellent heating. Would be 5 stars but the sharks keep eating the interns."

Number 2 Loyal Lieutenant

"Meow. Meow meow. Meow. (Translation: Best lap in the business. The laser beam budget could go to tuna, though.)"

Mr. Bigglesworth Chief Feline Officer

THE EVIL GENIUS